MLK50: Justice Through Journalism is observing Black History Month through the lens of love. This is the first in a series of stories on the black love experience, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Why are black love and strong marriages important? Research shows healthy marriages improve mental and physical health for men, women and children. And data from Centers for Disease Control and Prevention challenges conventional notions by proving black fathers spend more time rearing their children than white and Hispanic fathers.
I love my wife with all the intensity required at any given moment to ensure she understands we are a lifelong team, and we decided together there are no other options.
When my wife asked me why I love her so much, I explained, “Reasons change, and I can only tell you why I love you this much is because I’m supposed to. I don’t have another reason.”
Let me explain: There are many ways to describe love, though the vast majority associate it with some level of euphoric emotion that overwhelms the senses. To me, love is the driving force, the foundation of every decision I make, and it goes beyond emotions to how and what life is supposed to be.
Anything that is built needs a strong foundation, which exists for something else to be built upon. This truth underscores the requirement for purposeful design and thoughtful development of any structure that you want to endure. If foundational elements are not set properly and planning is poor, then it all could easily tumble.
It is with this understanding that I determined love is the greatest foundation in all of creation, and as such, I build life with my wife with these thoughts foremost in my mind. We are building generations, and generations should be built to last.
I determined that “happily ever after” will only be a reality for us if everything I am purposed to do in marriage is built on selfless acts of sacrifice, which is my truth in defining love. It is at this point that I recall watching my mother, a single woman rearing three boys into young men and how much easier life would have been for her if she and my dad were together as a team.
However, our family, like so many others in the black community, were impacted by a system that pushed an agenda that removed black men from the family structure beginning with slavery. They also were deceived into believing their presence was not required.
At first, I succumbed to this falsehood, but after learning the truth behind the deception, I realized the importance of the love I must have for any family I would begin and the sacrifices that must accompany this certainty.
I am fortunate to have a wife who is overwhelmed with joy by simple gestures of love. Things like bringing home flowers when I pick up a few groceries, or leaving a note I’ve written expressing purposeful intent of my commitment to fulfill our destiny, and perhaps best of all, the time spent as a family unit having fun in the development of our son’s growth.
The introduction of our son into our lives is the manifested reality of my obligation to love unconditionally and without question, even when bringing correction. I need my wife’s help, and she knows it.
I am the steward over my son’s life, given the charge of instilling within him first the absolute need to recognize and submit to the Word of God. We will not do Santa Claus in our home or teach him anything that is make-believe. God told me he is especially jealous of Santa Claus since children are taught to believe more in a fantasy before believing in him.
Our life’s reflection, individually and as a married couple, magnifies the requirement of functioning as a team to rear our child. We will make mistakes. However, I will remain in a position to ask my son at every opportunity that presents chastisement as an immediate, swift, necessary part of his life, “Son, have you seen me do that?”
Someone else’s agenda for separation is the motivation behind my determination to build my generation, my fruit, on the foundation of all creation, which is love. I am convinced reestablishing the family unit is among the first steps toward fully understanding how we will win in every area of life, including spiritually, mentally, physically and financially.
That’s the way it is supposed to be.
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